This Is What the New Valentine’s Day Conversation Hearts Should Say

This week, the corporate that sells these bizarre chalky candies that solely pop up round Valentine’s Day launched its new line-up of dialog hearts slogans, and y’all, they’re bleak.

Per the announcement from Spangler Sweet, this yr’s Sweethearts Candies are emblazoned with 16 completely different slogans, starting from the standard suspects like “BE MINE” to a collection of “uplifting new sayings” for these troubled occasions, together with “CHIN UP,” and “PUSH THRU.” If that weren’t miserable sufficient, the corporate can also be selling these new slogans with a Fb giveaway that encourages individuals to “nominate somebody who may use a lift or has supported you through the years — a coach, trainer, mentor, sibling, or guardian.” The prize? A single field of Sweethearts Candies, which could truly be worse than receiving no prize in any respect.

Right here at Eater, we consider that we deserve higher from Sweethearts. If dialog hearts can’t style good, no less than they will have messages which are truly related to the pandemic-era human situation. With out additional ado, right here’s a listing of 16 slogans which are decidedly extra acceptable for these occasions, however simply as dispiriting as “PUSH THRU” or “FEAR LESS.”

1. U VAXD?
2. 1/6/21? WHERE WERE U?
3. ON A SCALE OF N95, UR 100
4. UGH, FINE
5. MASK 4 MASK
6. LET’S GO VIRAL
7. WOULD SWAB 4 U
8. DEWORM MY HEART
9. U BOOST ME
10. SHOW ME UR CHIN
11. APOCALYPSE AND CHILL?
12. I GUESS
13. LET’S PUT OUR ANTI…BODIES TOGETHER
14. ROSES ARE RED, I HAVE EXISTENTIAL DREAD
15. UR LOVE IS CONTAGIOUS (NO REALLY, I TESTED POSITIVE)
16. Simply the Xanax brand